You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up
December 10, 2009
Remember Ed Whitacre?
He was formally the Chairman & CEO of AT&T. He retired a year or so ago after trying to put Humpty Dumpty (Ma Bell) back together again as CEO of SBC through a series of ILEC acquisitions, the last culminating in buying AT&T and changing from SBC in name to AT&T.
So, here is “Uncle Ed” with a career of monopoly management–I’m not saying that’s a negative–it just is what it is. Uncle Ed would fight through all sorts of legal maneuvering to keep AT&T/SBC from opening up their networks or new fiber optic builds to facilitate real broadband, choice, and that four letter word Uncle Ed dislikes: Competition.
To spare you the history, let’s just say that while at AT&T/SBC, Uncle Ed was not too fond of labor unions. He was especially not fond of the Communications Workers of America (CWA).
Uncle Ed was a typical ILEC CEO; he primarily remained hidden behind the brand without undue outward retail exposure or risk-taking from a marketing perspective. I ask you, “Who other than those in Telecom or certain Wall Street firms would even know Ed Whitacre if he showed up on your door step tonight?”
Not many. But stay with me…the irony of the story is developing.
To summarize, we now have a guy with penchant against government regulatory matters concerning competition and a less than cordial relationship with labor unions. A person who is relatively anonymous outside of the telecom-centric world—no one really knows much of him, his track record or opinions.
So, our hero Ed is sitting around the house one day, retired…probably watching Oprah, and the phone rings. It’s the United States government, his former arch enemy! They have a tantalizing and mind-boggling proposition—to get his assistance as the Chairman of General Motors. General Motors was clearly headed for failure but the government wouldn’t allow it to fail primarily due to its lumbering size.
Ed openly admits he knows absolutely nothing about the automobile industry but didn’t let that small fact stop him from accepting the offer. This counter-intuitive thinking makes perfect sense if you think about it in Beltway terms…with a staggering 10.2% national unemployment rate, our government could not find anyone else with experience in the automobile industry! A used car dealership owner knows more about the auto industry than Uncle Ed…
The stage is now set.
One night a few months back, I am indulging in a little late night TV with the hard-hitting interviewer Charlie Rose, or someone similar, and all of a sudden what pops up on my giant TV screen? Yep, you guessed it—Uncle Ed hawking GM cars in a retail commercial. I almost fell out of my chair. Ed’s commercial can be viewed here in case you have missed it or didn’t recognize Uncle Ed.
The man speaking with a slight Texas twang in the clip is Uncle Ed, with no auto experience, telling us to buy from General Motors. Just like at AT&T – he knows what’s good for you. In the 30 years I have been in Telecom, this commercial is the first time I have seen Uncle Ed in a broadcast environment trying to peddle his goods. Ed was usually the man behind the curtain, not out front when it came to selling or speaking with customers.
Also, did you spot something else that I found hysterical? Ed pitches that you can buy a car from GM, and within 60 days if you don’t like your purchase, you can return it without any questions asked. Now, I know he did not steal this “60 day return policy with no questions asked” from the AT&T play book. AT&T has never shown such affection towards its customers…they typically fight tooth and nail if you try to cancel service that didn’t work and lock you into a contract. I suggest you look at the fine print on this 60 day no questions asked offer…you’ll see why I almost tumbled off the couch.
But wait…it only gets better.
In short, the government (taxpayers) and the United Auto Workers union (UAW) basically own and run GM. So you have Uncle Ed working with one of the largest share owners, a union, to save GM. The irony of it all!
It may be the lack of consumer ad recall or that a multi-millionaire touting GM to a blue collar crowd doesn’t fly well but I have noticed that Uncle Ed’s commercials have not been running recently.
Something tells me that Uncle Ed’s retail stardom has come to an end. More recently, I have noticed that former NFL Oakland Raider defensive line man and 8-time Pro Bowl player Howie Long has become GM’s pitchman. Seems to me that, regardless of the channel or how quickly you are speeding through a commercial on your DVR, there is Howie…dressed up very nicely and selling automobiles.
Just a little more irony: in 1987, the NFL players union went on a 57 day strike after negotiations failed. NFL owners continued the season using non-union players and union players wishing to “cross the union line” also known as a “scab.” Howie Long is a scab because he broke from the NFL Players Union strike and reported for practice. Later that same day he recanted and flipped back so his scab-dom was extremely short-lived.
I don’t know about you but most unions don’t take to kindly to scabs, scabs of any sort, no matter how short of a time you scabbed. Howie Long is a scab.
So, I’m going to summarize the bones of the situation in one long-winded paragraph…GM is now run by a former Telecom-practicing monopolist that legally fought the government (tax payers) on a regular basis (and won), openly admitted knowing nothing about the automobile industry and gave up his couch-surfing Oprah habit because he was probably having a difficult time making ends meet on a multi-million dollar retirement pension from AT&T. The new GM Chairman is now joined at the hip with the UAW labor union as, technically speaking, his boss. The UAW, a significant shareowner in the new GM, stands idle while a former scab (that is probably getting paid gobs of money to be in commercials) seems perfectly content. I wonder if any UAW workers have lost their jobs.
All this rhetoric amounts to a hill of beans, but you have to admit, the irony of it all is exceptional.
Written by Dave Rusin - Telecom Executive
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Damn good. One of your best